Albert's Avengers

Albert G Walpole, proud legionnaire
Clerk to the council for all of his days
Lived with his mother in Hartington D'Arcy
Nice little end terrace, quite set in his ways

But one Sunday evening, returning from church
This man of high values, a virtuous clean-liver
Was mugged by some yobs full of Shipyard pale ale
Relieved of his wallet and thrown in the river



This tragical brush with recalcitrant youth
Metamorphosised Albert from sweetness and light
Into neighbourhood champion, par-excellence
An enforcer of by-laws and everything right

A tweeded avenger, a man on a mission
To clean up his town and restore proper order
Got on his bike and patrolled day and night with
his helmet-cam synced to his Sony recorder

Keen vigilantes were quickly recruited
Chesty old buffers and ladies who lunch
Weaponisation was swift and effective
Tape-measures, note-pads and radar speed guns

Dog fouling, ball games and illegal parking
Were photographed, logged and reported post-haste
Wheeley bin contents were checked for legality
Closed circuit cameras cunningly placed

         ........................................

Alas, this account contains no happy ending
As Albert's Avengers are sadly no more
'cause one night in August the townsfolk rose up
And slaughtered our hero and three of his corps

In conclusion it seems there are differing views
As to what is construed as felonious
But one thing's for sure in this contrary world
It's not smart to be too sanctimonious